Panacea

WHAT HAPPENS TO LOVE WHEN WE GET MARRIED

My husband, Francis and I started dating in our university days. For me it was fun, exciting, with some level of uncertainty, it felt really good most times and the uncertainty kept it interesting. The emotions were so high and we wanted if it was possible to spend every waking moment together. Our lectures wouldn’t permit, at the end of the first semester after we started dating, he asked I come to his hostel and wait for him cos his own exams were finishing that day but later in the day-6pm to be precise. I told him 6pm was late, when would he get back to the hostel, how long would we talk before I leave to my own hostel (I wasn’t one for keeping late nights).  He pleads saying even 30mins was better than not seeing at all.

I went and waited for him but to my surprise, he was back by 5pm, I asked if the paper was cancelled and he said no, that he wrote the ones he could and left the ones he didn’t remember. I opened my mouth in shock, then he quickly added I have a very good continuous assessment I know I would not get less than a B.

We do foolish things for love especially when the love is new. It is said in some parts of the country that ‘when you see a man open the car door for his wife its either the wife is new or the car is’

But what happens when we get married where does love; that overwhelming feeling goes, how come we no longer have those butterflies or do those crazy things.

 Science for some time now has known that there are chemicals that get released in the brain when we fall in love largely the same chemicals that a drug addict or any other form of addict take or do whatever it is that makes him high. You can say that a person at this stage of love is high in the same way an addict is high and like the addicts, our brains get used to the quantity and means with which these love chemicals are produced therefore the effects die down. This marks the end of the first stage of love, Psychologies say this phase could last between six months to a maximum of two years, in my studies I discovered that most people that abstain from sex in their early days enjoy this stage for longer than those that have sex.

 Many get confused as to what you do, they seek to rebuild those old feelings, some give up and look for other partners and start a new love that will inevitably end the same way the first did so they run into another – they become relationship junkies. Others question if they have married the right partners or if their partners have changed.

The truth; that stage is gone forever, we may have times we have an intense feeling towards our spouse or partners but it will never be like that initial intensity. That love stage has served its purpose- bringing both of you together.

But love is not an emotion, so while the intense emotions are gone, love is not done. It’s just about to be reborn…

We will continue from here next week.

Hope to hear your thoughts and questions if any.

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