‘Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it’ proverbs 22:6
This book of ageless wisdom advises the training of children but how?
Many parents are proud when their kids can recite a Bible or Qur’anic verse(s), we call them Pastors or Imams, insist on sending them to religious based schools. All in a bid to train our children and make them know God and the intention is noble but is it adequate?
This verse is not religious instruction, it is a life principle, how we relate to our partners in our marriages are largely based on who our parents related to each other and to us when we were in their nests.
Some of the behavioural challenges (angry, impatience, low self-esteem, etc) we are dealing with, some believes and values (especially the unconscious ones) could be link to our upbringing. Our ability/inability to show love healthily can also be link to how we were shown love as children
The building blocks we are using to build our home were handed down to us by the people that raised us. For some of us our spouses are complaining about or complimenting a character that you heard as a recurring decimal in your parents relationship. Yet we can’t remember our parents teaching us how to behave that way.
A friend – Charles Prince Dickson shared this quote with us;
Your SON will grow up to be like you. Your DAUGHTER will grow up and marry men like you, IS THAT GOING TO BE A GOOD THING OR A BAD THING’
While the post is gender specific it doesn’t always follow that girl will act only like her mother’s and boys like his father’s.
Children learn from and most often become like the people that raised them. It is futile to teach something you are not living. It is not enough to take them to church/mosque or to teach them scriptures. Live the life, as parents we need to keep improving the quality of the life we lead, work at developing and maintain a healthy relationship with our spouses. Our children are learning every step of the way.
We will be doing this for ourselves and for the next generation. Like the wise saying; ‘what you are doing is so loud that I can’t hear what you are saying’
Our parents did the best they knew in raising us, as parents it’s our turn to do better, to raise the bar higher and by so doing better our world.
- ‘Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it’_*
A couple of nights ago, we were all watching television in the living room when my younger daughter began to recite the Nigerian states and their capitals, from nowhere (so it seemed) her older sister screamed.
We all turned to her in amazement and then just as she was about to say something, I asked her to come and kneel down before me (my old patterns raring its head). As she was walking towards me she said mummy I was just trying to get your attention.
This wasn’t the first time she had screamed for no apparent reason, I knew a talk was a more appropriate line of action, our dialogue went like this;
Me: you know am not happy with you, why?
Daughter: because I screamed
Me: why did you scream?
Daughter: I was trying to tell you that Makiya was mixing up the states and capitals and to say the correct one but Makiya’s would not allow me say it
Me: how did Makiya stop you from saying what you wanted to say?
Daughter: she was talking loudly and your whole attention was on her
Me: did she really stop you? (paused). You know I don’t like it when you scream the way you did, right?
Daughter: yes (bowing her head)
Me: this is what we are going to do, I want you to think of as many as possible ways that you could have said what you wanted to say that doesn’t involve screaming
Daughter: (not looking pleased at all) I should have called out to Makiya and asked if I could say something, I could have said to you, mum I want to say something… (long pause) I don’t know any other thing
Me: who did you want to talk too, Makiya or me