Last week we looked at two factors that affect sexual satisfaction in a marriage relationship.
The two factors we looked at where;
The health of the relationship itself.
Today we will be looking at yet another factor;
Communication; communication plays a huge part in sexually satisfaction, one’s partner may
be unaware of what he/ she does to turn on or off their partner during sex except this is
communicated, the communication could be verbal or non-verbal. A lot of couples struggle
with the idea of talking about the actual sex act with their partners. As a result, some spouses
do not know the preferred sex style of their mates, what kind of foreplay or touch their
partners enjoy most, their partners’ sexual fantasies, etc.
One of the reasons for this is the unspoken law that sex should not be discussed, another
reason, especially for women, is the mirth that men know more about sex and how to
pleasure a woman than she would know and the belief that if a woman takes about or shows
initiative in the bedroom she is either spoiled or promiscuous.
For the sexual relationship to improve, there needs to be communication.
We recommend that newlyweds talk about their sexual experience as much as possible,
even when having sex as this improves their knowledge of their own bodies and that of their
partners, hence, improving the quality of their sexual experience.
The level to which one partner will divulge information about their true feelings and desires
about sex is largely dependent on the level of trust in the relationship.
Divulging very intimate information will require vulnerability and sometime it could be
embarrassing, the trust that our partners will receive our communication with respect for our
feelings even when they do not like or accept what we are requesting will determine whether
or not the request is ever made.
Despite the glamorizing of premarital and extramarital sex by the entertainment industry
especially, it has been found that marital sex remains one of the most satisfying sexual
relationships, trust is one of the reasons for this. The knowledge that whatever we do or say
to each other during sexual encounters remains between us allows couples to be more
When a spouse doesn’t enjoy the sex and the relationship does not provide a safe
environment of such issues to be discussed, the partner could lose interest in having sex.
This leads to a decline in the frequency of sex in that relationshi. Ultimately the spouse with
the lower sex drive controls the sexual relationship.
It would be wise to check the trust matrix and general health of your relationship if your
spouse seems to have or is withdrawing sexually.
One important note I must add is the trust matrix may have been eroded in other areas of
the relationship and it is only being revealed in the sexual relationship, because like I said in
part one sex is the litmus test for the health of the relationship. The key would, therefore, be
to fix the relationship and make it safe for each partner to be opened and honest about their
feelings and desires.
To be continued…